I think that the most difficult thing is allowing yourself to be loved, so receiving the love
and feeling like you deserve it is a pretty big struggle. I suppose that's what I've learned
recently, to allow myself to be loved. -Nicole Kidman
I recently read this quote and it resonated with my heart deeply. For months, I've been
avoiding writing on this blog. I wanted to put it on the shelf and to quit writing completely.
But there is this other part of me that has a voice and knows that I have a message to tell. I
have a message to tell because I've lived it and am continuing to live it. I am a single 30-
something. I, like you, am a story. My life is a story. Each moment. Each season. Like the
leaves that we rake and bag up in the fall (or jump in, in my case), so are the seasons that we
walk and live through. The friendships, relationships, moments filled with joy, moments
filled with pain--each second rolls up into a brilliant display of colors. All are different, but
together--they are stunning. That's how I've recently seen life. And family.
There are "leaves" that we'd like to take and disregard, but if we do, then our splendid pile of
experiences would be null and void. It wouldn't look the same.
I recently walked through a season of lack and of a broken heart. My heart had grieved for
months and it wasn't until recently that I have begun to "see the light." Though it was a
season filled with difficulty, I wouldn't have changed it for anything. It made me see who I
am and the good qualities that I have (and had somehow forgotten). It made me take a step
back and ponder what I truly wanted in this next chapter of my life. In my professional life.
In my personal life. In my spiritual life. All of it.
And so--I've been assessing myself. And I've come to this conclusion:
I had put myself on the back burner for the sake of others. Now, this is a good thing (to a
point), but there comes a time where it's vital for every individual to truly decide what they
want (and to not feel guilty in the process). Because, this actually benefits all of those around
them in the most positive light. The trouble is, I always have had a difficulty receiving love
not from God, but in my profession and from a man.
So, in all this assessing, I choose to be open. I choose to be intentional. And I choose to
believe and know that I can allow myself to be loved. I choose to be vulnerable once more
and to trust.
I choose to JUMP IN the pile.
The good. The bad. The ugly.
The delightful moments. The painful ones.
I choose to JUMP!
Cheering you on as you do the same!
