To be alive is to be vulnerable... -Madeleine L'Engle
Let's face it. None of us really like to hear this. Trust me--I know. It takes courage to be vulnerable. It's like you're laying yourself out naked for the entire world to see. But I think that if we don't take the chance to be vulnerable, then we can miss out on loving to the capacity that we were intended for. Life isn't a neat clean room and box. It gets messy and uncomfortable. Relationships are this way--all relationships--even your relationship with God. But it's worth it, because as it gets messy, it becomes beautiful.
Recently, I've made the decision to open myself up to guys, to be more vulnerable, and to let others into my heart. And you know what? There has been a dramatic shift. As I've said yes to dates and possible relationships, I've learned more about myself.
As a Christian woman, many of us are told at a young age (sometimes even subconsciously), that dating isn't a good idea--that we should only wait around for our future husband. While I do believe that we need to guard our hearts, I think that there is a new level of freedom found by saying yes to a date. But your yes should be on the contingency that he's a Christian--walking daily with the Lord. This doesn't mean that he has to fit all the qualifications that you've put down on your "list." You never know--you might be delightfully surprised as you find out more about him. I will say, though, that after a few dates, you should have an inner peace. This is the peace that passes all understanding and guards your heart and mind. This is the Holy Spirit. He will provide peace if you are to move forward. If the peace hasn't come after 3-4 dates, then you probably need to respectfully decline from moving forward in the relationship romantically.
And guys--I want to apologize. We, as women, are complex. We definitely haven't made things easy for you. In fact--we've paralyzed many of you from stepping forward and asking us out on a date because of our seriousness on the matter. Yes, you do need to make sure that the gal you ask out loves Jesus. Yes, you do need to make sure that she is walking with Him daily. But with that being said, don't put her in a box or have expectations that are impossible for her to fulfill. She is human (just like you). She has flaws and imperfections. But isn't it the way that she handles those flaws that makes her all the more beautiful?
And don't be afraid to ask. What's the worst that could happen? She says: no. Oh well. She will respect you for putting your heart out there and being upfront and honest with your feelings. Don't just watch her for months on end or play the "friend" card. If you're friends, be friends in a group. If your friendship moves into more than 1 or 2 times of one-on-one time, then you need to define the relationship. If it's just a friendship, then say so, step back, and hang out in groups. If it's more than that, say so and then relentlessly pursue her. Be intentional with your decisions, but enjoy your time. The first couple of dates are where you are just beginning to know each other. They are supposed to be light-hearted. Treat them as such.
The key for both guys and gals is this: Be vulnerable while still guarding your heart. Don't stress or worry or consume yourself too much with "if you're making the right decision." Remember that the living God is inside of you. Dialogue with him about it, but don't take things too seriously. He knows exactly who he has planned for you. He's known this since the beginning of time. But he also knows the relationships/friendships that he wants to place in your life along the way--guiding you to your future spouse. Enjoy the ride and trust that His timing is perfect and that it never turns out how you planned. It turns out 100 times better when you partner with God!
By the way, I am a single 30-something. As far as relationships are concerned, I've done things my own way and then God's way. I promise you that his way is the best and he won't let you down. Great things are in store for you! Take the chance. Ask her out. Say yes. Leave it to God!
Recently, I've made the decision to open myself up to guys, to be more vulnerable, and to let others into my heart. And you know what? There has been a dramatic shift. As I've said yes to dates and possible relationships, I've learned more about myself.
As a Christian woman, many of us are told at a young age (sometimes even subconsciously), that dating isn't a good idea--that we should only wait around for our future husband. While I do believe that we need to guard our hearts, I think that there is a new level of freedom found by saying yes to a date. But your yes should be on the contingency that he's a Christian--walking daily with the Lord. This doesn't mean that he has to fit all the qualifications that you've put down on your "list." You never know--you might be delightfully surprised as you find out more about him. I will say, though, that after a few dates, you should have an inner peace. This is the peace that passes all understanding and guards your heart and mind. This is the Holy Spirit. He will provide peace if you are to move forward. If the peace hasn't come after 3-4 dates, then you probably need to respectfully decline from moving forward in the relationship romantically.
And guys--I want to apologize. We, as women, are complex. We definitely haven't made things easy for you. In fact--we've paralyzed many of you from stepping forward and asking us out on a date because of our seriousness on the matter. Yes, you do need to make sure that the gal you ask out loves Jesus. Yes, you do need to make sure that she is walking with Him daily. But with that being said, don't put her in a box or have expectations that are impossible for her to fulfill. She is human (just like you). She has flaws and imperfections. But isn't it the way that she handles those flaws that makes her all the more beautiful?
And don't be afraid to ask. What's the worst that could happen? She says: no. Oh well. She will respect you for putting your heart out there and being upfront and honest with your feelings. Don't just watch her for months on end or play the "friend" card. If you're friends, be friends in a group. If your friendship moves into more than 1 or 2 times of one-on-one time, then you need to define the relationship. If it's just a friendship, then say so, step back, and hang out in groups. If it's more than that, say so and then relentlessly pursue her. Be intentional with your decisions, but enjoy your time. The first couple of dates are where you are just beginning to know each other. They are supposed to be light-hearted. Treat them as such.
The key for both guys and gals is this: Be vulnerable while still guarding your heart. Don't stress or worry or consume yourself too much with "if you're making the right decision." Remember that the living God is inside of you. Dialogue with him about it, but don't take things too seriously. He knows exactly who he has planned for you. He's known this since the beginning of time. But he also knows the relationships/friendships that he wants to place in your life along the way--guiding you to your future spouse. Enjoy the ride and trust that His timing is perfect and that it never turns out how you planned. It turns out 100 times better when you partner with God!
By the way, I am a single 30-something. As far as relationships are concerned, I've done things my own way and then God's way. I promise you that his way is the best and he won't let you down. Great things are in store for you! Take the chance. Ask her out. Say yes. Leave it to God!
No comments:
Post a Comment