52 Lists: Week 16

Renewed. Restoration. Belief. Gap. Reflection.

This week, I had the pleasure of having my life slow down. There was time for a bit of reflection--a thought occurring in a bit of meditation. Each day, I was given an opportunity to slow down. But it was amazing how my mind continued to race. Reflecting and meditating on the truth was a moment by moment task. A renewing of my mind had to take place. For so long, I have struggled with vulnerability. I have allowed women to see me, but rarely men. Each time that I have begun to let down my guard with a man (even in friendships), disaster seemed to follow suit. There is one thing that I've learned throughout my 30-something years:

Relationships are messy. Love is messy. It is uncontrollable. It just is.

But it's worth it. I have to continue to believe this--especially when everything around me wants to tell me differently. I have to carry onto the faith that relationships are worth fighting for--family, friends, romantic, etc. Because people matter. All of them. And sometimes this requires letting go. Loving people is difficult because it can't be controlled. But love carries the attribute of self-control, peace, patience, and understanding. It isn't selfish or rude or arrogant.

In my experience this week, I've discovered that there is a gap. Unless both parties are willing to continue forward and work on loving the other and letting things go, then one or both of them will fall. Because you can't love and hold grudges. Love requires forgiveness. It demands grace. And both individuals have to be invested. Regardless of how deep the relationship, there is a calling to be committed--desiring the other person's well-being more than ones own. Each is called to selflessness.

And in the mess--just like when one is made in the kitchen, things need to be cleaned up. There needs to be restoration. There needs to be wholeness. Because without this, the relationship can't move forward. And so--though the relationship is currently still a mess, my hope is for its restoration and reconciliation. My desire is that the other will choose to love and forgive and to fight for the friendship. But if I've learned anything, it is this:

Love can't control. It doesn't force itself on another. It waits and it just loves.

Challenging week, but looking forward to the days ahead as the lists continue.

Until next week...

Hellen