Certainty in the Uncertain

Our natural inclination is to be so precise--trying always to forecast accurately what will happen next--that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing...the nature of the spiritual life is that we are uncertain in our uncertainty...We cannot presume to see ourselves in any circumstance in which we have never been...To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring...We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God...The spiritual life is the life of a child...Jesus said, '...believe also in Me' (John 14:1), not 'Believe certain things about me.' Leave everything to Him and it will be gloriously and graciously uncertain how He will come in--but you can be certain that He will come. Remain faithful to Him.

-Oswald Chambers

I have a confession to make. 

Over the past couple of weeks, I've leaned on my own understanding. During 1 of the few weeks, I actually heard the voice of the Lord speak and I disobeyed. I actually did exactly what he told me not to do. Now, no one else knows that this was the course that took place, but I know. The Lord had spoken to me about holding back--about waiting. Because you see--he knows the hearts of all his children. He knows the heart of every human being. He knows. 

And when I turned and thought that I knew best and acted against what he spoke (because uncertainty was uncomfortable for me), I sabotaged the relationship. Jesus was trying to protect me. He was giving me wisdom and I gripped onto foolishness. My heart was bruised in the process. Jesus was wanting to save me from this, but like all of us can relate to--I rebelled.

This situation took my heart and mind back to a memory of when I was a child. I had been cooking on the stove with my mom and dad. I'm not sure what we were cooking, but I was excited to be involved--to be included. I was excited to help. Now, when we had finished, my mom turned off the stove. But she instructed me not to touch the burners because they were hot and still cooling. I knew that she was right, but I still wanted to see for myself. So, I touched the burner. I didn't just touch it lightly. I placed my entire hand on top of the stove. Now, you can imagine that I immediately pulled my hand back and that screaming ensued. Tears began to flow and I knew of my rebellion the moment my hand touched the stove. No--strike that. I knew of it as soon as I determined in my heart to go against what my mother had instructed me.

Being the gracious parents that they were, my stepfather came rushing in and immediately ran my hand over cold water. The burn was pretty intense. My parents called my pediatrician and he made a house visit. Looking back, I can see the relentless love that my parents had for me--even in my disobedience. They didn't scold me. They just loved me and sought to bring healing. They demonstrated love in its purest form.

My hand was wrapped in a healing ointment and the gentle touch dried my tears. 

Just as the scars of my disobedience were graciously healed and restored, Jesus has been speaking to me that this is what he desires in relationships. He desires my hurt heart to be healed. He is concerned about it all. And if I will listen and obey, I will see how he is moving. He hasn't called me to bitterness or anger or judgement or distrust or to lean on my own understanding, but he has called me to love. He has called me to healing and to forgiveness. He has called me to trust.

So, I am uncertain of what will happen next. I am uncertain about this relationship--this friendship and if forgiveness is at the end of it. But it is my prayer--my heartbeat that there is healing. Because this is what we were called to. It's what Jesus died for. 

So, my certainty rests in Him. 

May your certainty rest in Jesus alone. May you live a life abandoned to LOVE--quick to forgive, reconcile, and to heal. 

Christ died for the hearts of people and so we must die to our own rights and forgive--because we have been forgiven much!

Learning to Love: Communication

When you're smiling, the whole world smiles with you!

-Billie Holiday

Smiles are contagious. They're infectious. When someone smiles at me, my face lights up and I can't help but spread the joy to others. It's a wonderful way to communicate without words. 

Unfortunately, I oftentimes see more than my fare share of people with a scowl on their face. Frowns reflect a negative emotion and joyous people tend to flee from it. But it communicates just the same. 

Encouragement is another form of communication--building courage.

Discouragement takes away courage. 

Communication can be done through words, actions, or both. You can try to avoid it, but you won't succeed. Because regardless, you are communicating something.

One unhealthy habit that I've come across first-hand from guys who are boys (yet to become men) is that when conflict arises with someone of the opposite sex and the rubber hits the road, they have the tendency to write off the relationship without a word. They stop answering texts, phone calls, and any form of communication. They become paralyzed to expressing what is going on. Because of fear or insecurity, they fail to tackle the situation at hand.

And what happens is this:

They think they are doing women a favor by communicating their lack of interest or concern. They think they are being fair and just by being silent. But instead of coming across as "fair," women understand this communication as this:

Not being worth it. Unwanted. Uncaring.

And unfortunately, many women take this on as their identity or, at the very least--put up their guard until they have a precipice of a wall around themselves. They refuse to become too vulnerable (even in dating relationships and marriages).

All because they believed the lies--a lie that was planted from the action of a boy. A boy that took the way of a coward instead of a man. Men aren't afraid to face the circumstance at hand. They actually embrace them. 

People are more important than our comfort. They are worth it--every single one--even if it's to say goodbye and release them from the relationship. 

Please communicate--with words. It will help clear things up. It will probably be awkward and difficult. It may mean letting go. It may mean staying. Regardless--communicate.

Our society is crying out for it.

Let all that you do be done in love.

52 Lists: Week 16

Renewed. Restoration. Belief. Gap. Reflection.

This week, I had the pleasure of having my life slow down. There was time for a bit of reflection--a thought occurring in a bit of meditation. Each day, I was given an opportunity to slow down. But it was amazing how my mind continued to race. Reflecting and meditating on the truth was a moment by moment task. A renewing of my mind had to take place. For so long, I have struggled with vulnerability. I have allowed women to see me, but rarely men. Each time that I have begun to let down my guard with a man (even in friendships), disaster seemed to follow suit. There is one thing that I've learned throughout my 30-something years:

Relationships are messy. Love is messy. It is uncontrollable. It just is.

But it's worth it. I have to continue to believe this--especially when everything around me wants to tell me differently. I have to carry onto the faith that relationships are worth fighting for--family, friends, romantic, etc. Because people matter. All of them. And sometimes this requires letting go. Loving people is difficult because it can't be controlled. But love carries the attribute of self-control, peace, patience, and understanding. It isn't selfish or rude or arrogant.

In my experience this week, I've discovered that there is a gap. Unless both parties are willing to continue forward and work on loving the other and letting things go, then one or both of them will fall. Because you can't love and hold grudges. Love requires forgiveness. It demands grace. And both individuals have to be invested. Regardless of how deep the relationship, there is a calling to be committed--desiring the other person's well-being more than ones own. Each is called to selflessness.

And in the mess--just like when one is made in the kitchen, things need to be cleaned up. There needs to be restoration. There needs to be wholeness. Because without this, the relationship can't move forward. And so--though the relationship is currently still a mess, my hope is for its restoration and reconciliation. My desire is that the other will choose to love and forgive and to fight for the friendship. But if I've learned anything, it is this:

Love can't control. It doesn't force itself on another. It waits and it just loves.

Challenging week, but looking forward to the days ahead as the lists continue.

Until next week...

Hellen 

Chivalry. Return Please.

The day before yesterday, I was driving to work and heard on the radio how the topic of chivalry was coming up in the circles of conversations among women. Or, should I say, the lack of chivalry? Now, before you men write me off and click to read another article, hear me out.

As much as I hate to admit it, men aren't the only ones who are at fault. As a woman, I can see how my sex has failed as well. There are very few ladies left. Thus, this keeps men from being able to be chivalrous.

But what is chivalry anyway?

It is defined as a combination of qualities including honor, courage, justice, and courteous behavior towards women. It is not the outwardly appearance (though this is important), but the character and nature that a man carries. I've listed a few things that exemplify chivalry. Though these don't characterize all the qualities desired by a woman, they are a start.

Being chivalrous is found in the heart. It is the act of a boy leaving his boyish ways to behave like a man.

• Opening the car or any other door for a woman.
• Allowing a woman to go first in line and before himself (an act of servanthood).
• Pulling out a chair for a woman at a meal before she sits down. And then he helps push her chair towards the table.
• Not sitting down until all the women are seated at the table.
• Stands up when a woman leaves the table.
• When picking up a woman on a date, he goes to the front door to get her. He doesn't honk the horn or text her of his arrival.
• If there is a long walk from the car, drop off those in the car with you and then join them after you've parked the car.
• Allow ladies to order first when you go out to eat.
• When walking on the sidewalk, place yourself on the outside closest to traffic.
• If a woman is cold, offer her your coat or jacket.
• When dropping a date off, walk her to her door.
• If you see a woman carrying something heavy, offer to carry it. If she refuses, be assertive. Take it from her and help. Every woman is appreciative of assistance.
• Call when you say you will.
• Don't make promises you can't keep. Follow through on your word.
• Don't disrespect a woman.
• Protect a woman at all costs.
• Escort a woman at a formal event.
• Compliment her often.
• Don't play games. Be honest with her.

These suggestions are coming from a woman. What you, as a man, might see as something small, has great ramifications. Remember that the small details are noticed (even when you don't think they are). Women are very perceptive. My prayer for women is that we'll be great appreciators and express our gratitude often. 

Bottom line: Men be men. Women, be ladies.

This is what we were created for.

Learning to Love

Learning to love is difficult and overwhelming. And yet--loving should be as natural and easy to us as breathing. This week, I have sensed my heart being pruned and prepared to love in an even more radical way than I ever have before.

Love isn't self-seeking.

Love doesn't force itself on others.

These are two truths that have been pounding on my heart over the course of this past week. Though it's only been a week, my spirit has felt as if a month or more has passed. I oftentimes have to remind myself to be still and to remember that though many things are happening rapidly, there is a step-by-step process in the middle of it all.

I have been privileged to have some beautiful relationships enter into my life this year. But as relationships often are--they are messy. They are overwhelmingly beautiful, but there is mess in the middle of the beauty. Maybe that's what makes them absolutely beautiful!

This week, I messed up. The Lord spoke to me about not contacting an individual and to wait patiently. I didn't. I leaned on my own understanding. Well, it blew up in my face. I am now facing the ramifications of not listening.

Love is selfless.

Love is patient and waits. It steps back when it needs to.

It remains.

And so, this lesson continues for me: Forever learning to love...

52 Lists: Week 15

Abandoned. Bloom. Process. Learning. Confrontation.

This week, I was watching my 2 kiddos that I nanny. As we sat outside and started to bask in the delightful weather and change of season, I noticed a mother swallow and her newly born chicks. They were in a nest tucked in the crevice and shelter of the family's home. The nest was safe and secure and away from harm's way. As I stood in amazement of the creation around me, a revelation came to my heart and it sums up this week:

Don't be afraid to live a life of abandonment. Bloom where you are planted. Relationships are a process. I am forever learning. And there are days of confrontation and delight ahead.

As the mother swallow covers her chicks and displays a love abandoned to them selflessly, so I am called to live a life giving completely and fully to those around me. Meanwhile, like the chicks in the nest, I am called to bloom right where I am. And I am to remember, like the chicks and the mother swallow, that life is a process. I won't always be where I am. I am called to continually evolve. I am learning--discovering and growing. And in the midst of this learning, there is confrontation. There have been conversations this week that I didn't want to have. There have been discussions. There have been discoveries and sometimes poor decisions. I've too often leaned on my own understanding.

But how thankful I am for the unending grace found in Jesus. Just like the mother swallow covers her chicks in her love, so I am covered as well.

Forever learning.

Until next week...

Hellen

52 Lists: Week 14

Transform. Presence. Patience. Communication. Connection.

This week entailed quite a few lessons for me. The one that has resonated in my heart throughout the week is this:

I am a work in progress who can be extremely intense. But I have an intense and passionate God. At the same time, he is patient and gentle as well as strong and persistent. And he has called me to the same character. And a work in progress, I am.

As Spring is upon us, the earth is springing forth newness all around. Trees are in bloom. Rain is coming down. The natural is being transformed. And so it is with my heart. And my mind. And my character. As the weather effects the growth of the earth, so the Presence of Jesus affects my heart, mind, and character.

I need to be aware of his presence in order for my entire being to be transformed.

Oftentimes, I find myself impatient--wanting things to happen more quickly. I desire for relationships with God and people to move rapidly. But this isn't how it works. Relationships are a process. Sometimes, I have seen how I've rapidly grown in my relationship with Jesus and others, but it's always a process. And it requires patience. Love is patient. It waits.

This week, I've tried to push down walls into hearts in my own strength. I've been intense, but not patient. I've tried to do things on my own strength and it's left me exhausted and frustrated.

But how thankful I am for Jesus and for his never-ending presence and patience. He's communicated to me right where I am--asking me to die to myself and to live in him. He has proven himself true by doing above and beyond all I could ask. He has asked me to surrender trying to handle situations on my own.

My heart hears him whispering:

Come. Let me transform you. You were made to live in my Presence. You were created for patience. You were designed to communicate and to teach others about communication with me. I have given you the connection to myself because of who I AM. Lean upon me. My yoke is easy and my burden is light. My ways are continually good. My timing is perfect. Wait upon me. I am making everything beautiful in my time. 

And as I move into week 15 of this journey of "word lists," may I cling to the words of Jesus above all else. He is where I want to remain always. I encourage you to do the same!

Rest in the sweetness of his voice! He is speaking through everything!!

Until next week...

Hellen

52 Lists: Week 13

Week 13.

It went by so quickly. Now, I find myself more than halfway through week 14 and I'm just now catching up on last week. Forgive me.

Transpire. Seasons. Loyalty. Transition. Expose.

The eyes of my heart are continually being opened. Oftentimes, I see things that I want to be transformed, rearranged, and made new. As winter is passing and the spring has come, my heart is also finding itself being refreshed and made whole!

This week, I was given the opportunity to allow specific things in my life to transpire--to be revealed or to take place. It required me to let go of control. To be honest, I failed. And this was a difficult reality for me to face. I don't know about you, but I oftentimes like to have control. I don't want to let things transpire and develop without my hand on them. And yet, I adore surprises and not being in control. Talk about being torn...

This month there is a change in seasons. In the natural. In my heart. In my mind. It's a time of growth and preparedness for this year of fulfillment. My heart is crying out to be opened. My heart longs for the things that are unseen to be seen. My mind hungers to be renewed. And the earth is budding forth a freshness from the ground. It is a time of fulfillment. But this requires a steadiness--a loyal spirit. In order for the earth to bud and spring forth its flowers, the roots of a tree or shrub have to go down deep into the earth. And so it is in the spiritual. Loyalty is the root in relationships, the work field, at home, etc. In order for anything to grow, the roots must first grow down deep--committed to the task at hand. This is the lesson I'm learning.

As my heart and mind and spirit come into alignment with this truth, my life is in transition. New roommate. New house. New jobs. New friendships. NEW! All things are being made new. And this newness demands an exposure of my heart. And that is difficult. Because if I'm honest, my heart is not always beautiful. But the exposure is what brings about the beauty.

So what did this past week entail? Life transpired and revealed to me a new season where loyalty and exposure were required during this time of transition.

I'm left again speechless, but thankful that I'm taken as a "work in progress"--weak, but forever willing. Here's to week 14! May your heart overflow and be continually authentic in all that you say and do!

All my love...
Hellen